Who you are matters more than what you’re doing

There comes a point in a woman’s leadership journey when strategy and skill alone is no longer the answer.

This is often where identity enters the conversation.

Because the way we lead is deeply shaped by the way we see ourselves. Brene Brown famously said, "Who we are is how we lead." But I'd also add, "Who we think we are is how we lead."

Our identity is formed over time. By our culture. Our race. Our upbringing. The messages we absorbed about who we were allowed to be and how we needed to show up in order to belong, be safe, or be valued. These layers quietly shape how we move through the world long before we ever step into formal leadership roles.

And for a season, those identities often serve us.

But when we are walking in an identity that is no longer aligned with who we truly are, this is where the rubber meets the road.

This is where leadership begins to feel heavier than it should.

When identity and truth are misaligned, we struggle to fully embody the leadership posture we were designed for. We may shrink in rooms where our voice matters. We may second-guess ourselves even when we are qualified. We may feel sabotaged by self-doubt or imposter syndrome, unable to lead with the confidence and clarity that others already see in us.

Often, these identity patterns were formed early.

When we experienced hurt, rejection, abuse, or abandonment, something inside us adapted. We shifted into protect mode. Perform mode. Achieve mode. We learned how to stay safe, how to be acceptable, how to succeed under certain conditions.

And because those patterns once helped us survive or succeed, they can become so familiar that we mistake them for who we are.

At other times, our identity is perhaps reshaped later in life.

A job loss.
A failed venture.
A public setback.
A role we poured ourselves into that suddenly ends.

Without realizing it, we internalize the experience and begin to see ourselves through the lens of that moment. I failed. I wasn’t enough. I misjudged myself. And slowly, our leadership becomes cautious, guarded, or overly performative.

This is why self-awareness is such a critical aspect of the work I do as a leadership coach for women who want to lead fully.

Self-awareness is the doorway to identity recalibration.

It allows us to witness the version of ourselves we are currently walking in without judgment. To notice what’s been driving us. To name what’s been holding us back. And to recognize that the way we see ourselves may no longer be the truth of who we are becoming.

Often these are the types of questions that need to be processed so we go beneath the surface:

How do I actually see myself?
What anchors my sense of worth, authority, and belonging?
Is this identity rooted in truth — or in protection?
Am I leading from authenticity, or from a facade I learned to carry?

This is the kind of work my deep leadership coaching supports. Not by fixing you, but by helping you see yourself clearly. By gently uncovering the identity you’ve been operating from and creating space for a more aligned, grounded, and expansive self-perception to take root.

Because when identity shifts, you lead more powerfully.

You stop shrinking.
You stop over-performing.
You stop questioning your right to be in the room.

You begin to lead as who you truly are — not who you had to become.

And that changes the game sister!

Because once your identity is grounded in truth, another bonus is that your presence shows up more fully and vibrantly! And you can command rooms of power with your inner confidence that shines brightly through your presence.

Let this be your year of alignment--when how you lead and how others experience you, is reflected by your grounded, true identity.

Natalie Jobity is a faith-driven leadership and executive presence coach for accomplished women leaders navigating career and leadership transitions. She helps women strengthen confidence, visibility, and influence, lead with grounded authority, and command rooms of power without overperforming, self-doubt, or burnout so they lead from alignment and authenticity for greater impact. Learn more about her and her work via her website www.theunveiledway.com.